If you’re reading this, first of all thank you. Whether you clicked onto my web page by accident or landed here with intent – it’s nice to have you peeping in.
The last time I wrote on this space was approximately a year ago. In that time, I’ve grown so much that I almost feel disconnected from the past version of myself. As beings we grow – be it through experiences, feelings or the natural direction of life. Sometimes people need space to grow and unlike the process of photosynthesis, growth can sometimes happen in spaces of darkness. Over the past few years, specifically the last 365 days, a lot of my growth has happened in pockets of darkness. Through recovery, space and time, I’m able to write as part of my healing and re-align myself.
As I return to this corner, my slice of the internet, I can no longer connect with the things that I wrote in the past. ‘I Blog The Fashion’ was a blog that began with my love for fashion and slowly moved into the hemisphere of life, more specifically, my life. As I dive into a few of my old posts, I get tempted to press ‘delete’ and start again. The way that I write has developed, the things I care about have changed and the space that I want to project here has shifted. In many ways, it’s like my personal diaries have been leaked or my juvenile thoughts have been aired. The feeling is akin to when I re-visited a published poem that I wrote at ten years old. At the time of writing, I thought my poem was a masterpiece. After all, I was now a published author (along with a select few in my class). My creation was the new meaning of haiku, (or so I thought thirteen years ago). As a twenty three year old woman, the ‘master of craft’ that I thought I was at age ten is just another poem by a ten year old. I’m sorry to hurt my own youthful feelings but it’s neither impressive or progressive… I’d like to think little me would be more impressed by her writing now than about ‘a spider at night who gave her such a fright’, (for it’s neither a haiku or the works of a literary genius).
I wrote about things to pass time, to aid personal comfort and to always keep my love of writing alive. A lot of my published posts were written as a show of consistency. I grappled with straws to try and find things to write about. Now, I write habitually and the context runs freely and naturally. A lot of my pieces remain unpublished in countless draft files. Those pieces don’t have a purpose. They just ‘are’. In many ways, my writing is in synchronisation with the person that I have become as I learn to just ‘be’ without pressure or expectation to achieve.
What does this mean for my blog? I don’t know!
Maybe some of my drafts will someday become posts. Maybe I’ll check in now and again with notes like these. One thing I do know, is that I’m happy that you’re here. As I continue to decide to keep this space running, my intention to write and share plateaus with it. Stranger, friend, family member or possibly robot – welcome! This is me checking in, albeit rather aloofly.