Stability. I never really knew that all I wanted in life was stability until I didn’t have it anymore. I guess it was a bit like I’d been riding a bike with stabilisers all this time until someone came and hacked them off – bastard. I’m missing stability.
For the first time ever – I’m not sure what’s going to happen from one moment to the next. Stability to me means being ‘in the know’. I do not like the unexpected. Correction – I would love to have a massive surprise birthday party…that kind of unexpected is the sort that I can deal with. The latter can piss off. Life is suppose to throw you a few lemons and you’re supposed to make lemonade, right? But that’s assuming that the lemons were in mint condition. No one ever tells you what to do when the lemons are rotten, infested and resemble a turd! Ok, so this isn’t about lemons but do you catch my drift? I am not making lemonade right now. I am just staring at the rotten, asshole lemons and sticking my middle finger up at the lot of them (with a can of ready-made 7up in hand).
I made a deal with myself that I wasn’t going to let the uncertainty freak me out. I wasn’t going to let it spiral into a mind saga of doubts and worry. But, of course, I am me and thus an over-thinker – hola anxiety and doubts. So what am I going to do about it? Well, searching for the positives is always something that’s useful. Acceptance is also super important. Shall I go back to the hypothetical lemons? Why not! So, I’ll accept that my lemons aren’t perfect. I know I can’t make lemonade with them right now…or ever. But if I chuck them in some compost then I guess they’ll serve a different purpose. I will find a purpose for the rancid lemons if it is the death of me! Basically – shit happens. You’ve got to utilise it. Observe the lessons that it’s taught you. Everything that happens teaches you something. This particular storm has taught me a thesaurus-length volume of lessons. Let’s begin…
You can’t depend on people always. Every single person on this earth has their own thing going on. The people in your life that you rely on and that are always there, might not be there forever. It’s a harsh lesson but it’s once that’s imperative. People change, people make mistakes and it’s your decision how you handle that change. People are not stable beings. We are all powered by emotions. We make choices and our actions hurt more than words – always. People have the power to hurt you more than anything else. Even a physical injury can cause less pain than the human capabilities. Don’t expect too much from anyone. You can spread as much love as you want but you can’t control what people do. Human beings have their own desires, impulses and needs – specific to that individual. Don’t immerse yourself in any form of drama. Remove yourself from a situation that’s causing you more pain than anyone you’re trying to help. Be there for someone but always retain a certain amount of distance. Have the capability to disassociate and distract yourself. It is never your job to rebuild a broken person. Don’t self-sacrifice – you are not Jesus. Be selfish and put yourself first. Don’t ignore your emotions but don’t let them control you (I haven’t quite mastered this one yet).
Keep yourself grounded. There’s a reason that they tell you to save yourself first in those ‘in case of an emergency’ videos on planes. It’s a stress to try and save someone before yourself. You’re no use to anyone if you burn the candle out a both ends. It seems like the height of being selfish but actually – self-care first then think of others. So, I’ll be grabbing my oxygen before I help you out Sandra, soz hun!
The really great thing about people is that they can pull through. Humans can be empathetic, understanding and considerate. Surround yourself with these types of humans. When you find them, grab them like Taylor Swift grabs her girl squad together. Get the cream of the crop and let it be your squad. Having people to talk to is more valuable then anything in the world. It’s even better when they truly care and will do anything for you. I have an amazing squad and in my opinion, better than Taylor’s…I went to see Beyonce this month and even she has had her stability tossed in the air when Becky came along. I guess I need to write an album…and I just realised – she called it ‘Lemonade’ – I’m basically Beyonce because I have spent the first half of the blog post talking about lemons…
People can surprise you and not always be true to the character that you labelled them as being. But who really knows who they are? We can all surprise ourselves. Did I really do that? I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth. SURPRISE! Other people’s actions do not always define them. Everyone is allowed to screw up to some degree. It’s always important to recognise that all actions have consequences, even the small ones. The actions that we make can have an affect on others without you realising. Always be aware and present.
Liars aren’t always malicious. But lies can destroy. Lies can multiply. There is no such thing as a white lie. Always tell the truth. Be transparent and unapologetic of your honesty. Be kind, not cruel but own up to mistakes. The truth always comes out in the end.
Things can get very low, including you. But, ultimately, everything is OK in the end. Even when it seems like there is no crawling out of the hole that you’ve fallen down. Someone or something comes to the rescue. Your rainbow after the rain will come and will shine some colour into the grey. Enjoy the rainbow but also learn how to dance in the rain. The clouds pass, the rainbow fades and the sun shines the next day. Live for the sunbeams and smiles. Spend your time with the people you love and don’t dwell on the past. When things are the worst they’ve ever been, the only way is up.
And there they are- aloof lessons from my whirlwind past few weeks….